Blog Religious and Childhood Traumas, and the Aftermath 28 May 20217 Jun 2021 In a previous post a couple months back, I stated that all the hate belongs to me. Just a week ago I was feeling that intensity again, to the point…
Blog… Birthday Sadness, Social Anxiety, and Dealing with Narcissist Tendencies. 28 May 202128 May 2021 I just turned 40. I’m not depressed about the number in the slightest. I felt old a decade ago when I was developing signs of fibromyalgia. It’s just a number,…
Blog… The Hot Scrupulosity Question, When Does Salvation Finally “Stick”? 21 May 202128 May 2021 If I heard about salvation at the age of 9 and decided to myself, "Wow, I want that!" and then prayed what the preacher said to pray, is that when…
Blog Wish Me Luck, I’ll Try Not to Die From a Panic Attack. 5 May 202128 May 2021 I'm meeting my Pastor this morning and I feel like the anxiety is going to kill me. Like give me a heart attack. I had planned to discuss some moral…
Blog My Secret Identity and the Employee Who Harassed Me 24 Apr 202128 May 2021 I've hesitated before to come out and say my profession, because it is a major identifier to those who do know me. But it is important to this particular turn…
Blog… Deadlock, Stalemate, Standstill 16 Apr 202118 Apr 2021 News release: Social anxiety causes impasse. Or that’s what my internal news header would read if I had one. Think Inside Out kinda world going on (now I need to…
Blog Hashimotos, My Answer to Prayer? Say What? 15 Apr 202128 May 2021 Most people when I tell them I have Hashimotos, they look at me sideways, as they don't know what I'm talking about. Or they look at my lovely colorful hair…
Blog… Recipe for Scrupulosity/Religious OCD. 14 Apr 202128 May 2021 I have been spending a lot time contemplating my "backstory". My theory is, if I figure out the why, I can therefore figure out a solution and fix what was…
Blog… Stopping the Downward Spiral. 12 Apr 202128 May 2021 Anxiety kept me from church Sunday, and now I’m going down the rabbit hole of depression and even more anxiety. It feels shallow to admit it stems from not receiving…
Blog “Stupid seems to be in the air” 11 Apr 202115 May 2021 open.spotify.com/track/5f6JnxY2aqNdF3qFIPozUd "Soulless and stealing what they dare Hold your deck to your chest Faceless, nobody is your friend Make it, take it, they won't share" Not my usual EDM, Christian…
Blog Reflection: Hiding my Scars 10 Apr 2021 It's been 2 days. It feels like years. That I sent an email to my Pastor and I'm awaiting a response. I normally have the patience of a Saint, truly.…
Blog OCD, Shame, Fear, Hate, Traumatic Childhood…Oh My? 9 Apr 2021 I find myself upset, or "moody" currently and getting depressed. So rather than anxiety triggering a compulsion...it's my depression. Which for some reason, doesn't really feel right or make sense.…
Blog… Control the Panic, ERP 5 Apr 202128 May 2021 I did my first try at the exposure therapy (ERP) today and drove to my church and parked outside. My anxiety was through the roof and my chest hurt pretty…
Blog… Easter Didn’t Kill Me, but it Might as Well Have 5 Apr 202128 May 2021 Easter is hard for me. I feel guilty for ever feeling bad when people talk about Christ’s suffering. Maybe guilt isn’t the word, it just feels so much more than…
Blog… Huge Progress 31 Mar 20211 Apr 2021 I went through a lot today and it was hard, but things are looking up because I have support and hope. I talked to my psychiatrist about the religious OCD…
