I don’t really think Google is evil, not like I think Facebook is a tool of the devil (check this post out here about Facebook). But I do think Google can be a blessing and a curse.
The other night I couldn’t sleep.
Danger Will Robinson, danger!
My mind started wandering to a conversation that came up during a dinner out with my husband and another couple from church. They were discussing if they would care for their parents and why.
This brought up thoughts of my birth father, whom I’ve not seen or spoken to in 20 years. Things with us did not end well, when his 3rd wife went on a raging bender and kicked me out of their home when she was drunk while he was out one night. This was when I was 19 and chose to live with him for about a year after high school, several states away from my mom and sister.
I saw him once after that a couple years later when I went to Florida with my husband. I wanted him to meet my husband and see how things were going with him. It was the same old poo, his wife was sloshed and bitter. We didn’t keep in touch and I didn’t keep in touch with my older half-sister from his first marriage that lived in the area.
Fast forward to now.
I knew Google would likely tell me some dirt on him, as he was a politician. When I was a small child he was a sheriff in Florida. When I was kicked out by his wife, he actually was gone putting out campaign signs for a bid for another sheriff’s position. He lost that election.
I came across many articles in 2016. Apparently he ran for sheriff in the county he moved to when the sheriff there announced his retirement.
The first article was the most in depth and left a very sour taste in my mouth.
Over 30 years after my parents’ divorce and he was still blaming my mother for his problems!
The writer brought up that his second (and final) term in office was wrought with scandal. My father brushed it off as personal stuff.
The writer pointed out the “personal stuff” was that he had accepted contributions from a drug trafficker during his second campaign, and, during his second term, hired his girlfriend for an unadvertised job in the legal department and later promoted her to staff attorney. The whole girlfriend thing caused my parents’ divorce.
The thing is, despite those blatant scandalous things he did, in the article he blames my mother, by name, for losing his next election after his second term!
Seriously? 30 years later and the man can’t take accountability for his actions and simply say, “I’m a different man now, that was 30 years ago and I’m a changed and better version of myself?”
Something like that would have maybe gotten him elected for sheriff. Cause yeah, he lost that election. I wouldn’t vote for someone who blames others for their scandalous past.
My heart aches.
I want to reach out to him to reconnect but part of me wonders why? Does he still blame me for his drunkard 3rd wife kicking me out when I was 19? Would he understand if I told him I have OCD and communication is difficult and calling and messaging may be sporadic?
Yeah, I dunno. He doesn’t cross me as very empathetic.
The man is 79 now though. I worry he will pass away and I will live with regret of opportunity missed, wondering what could be.
He is on wife number 5 now. I was able to see his Facebook profile without Facebook myself and saw that he just celebrated his 1 year anniversary with her this past February. I kinda wonder how many more wives he can go through.
Yeah, that’s kinda bitter of me.
I dunno what to do. I don’t want to live with regret, but I don’t want to get hurt.
One more thing to ruminate incessantly on. Thanks OCD.
The Obsessively Anxious 