Ketamine And God?

I have made an offhand mention in another post that I do ketamine treatments for my mental health. I have yet to expound upon that or discuss my experience with this treatment that seems to be slowly becoming more and more talked about.

Ketamine is an anesthetic that is in recent times now being used in various forms to treat treatment resistant depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD. It has been used a bit longer to treat chronic pain.

The forms available in the U.S. (as that’s where I am located) for mental health, are infusions, a nasal spray, and sublingual troches. The availability depending on the state you live in.

A few months back I started at home ketamine treatments, which are the sublingual troches, or basically little lozenges you dissolve in your mouth. With ketamine, you keep it in your mouth to absorb for about 30 minutes for optimal effect.

I was initially hesitant to try the treatments. Ketamine is “Special K”, a drug after all, and I don’t do drugs. I also don’t drink. I was scared of how it would make me feel and I also was worried about the implication as far as my faith.

Would taking ketamine be wrong morally? My Pastor had mentioned something about marijuana opening the door for spirits or demons to enter (it has been a long while back, I can’t honestly remember), would ketamine be inviting something evil in?

I prayed about it, waited on it, and did a lot of research into the science behind it before making the decision.

It was the best decision I’ve made in medications to this date.

The Ketamine experience

From the very beginning, my ketamine treatment experiences started off very spiritual. I took a class about setting intentions (required by the program I had chosen) and my first set of intentions were based around anxiety.

I felt like visually I was in a room made up of black lights. There was nothing lit up yet I could see in all the blackness. My thoughts processed so much differently. I felt like I was in a sort of padded room almost, but it was pleasant. Very visually stimulating.

As far as thought processes, that first experience was very brief because it was a “trial dose”, to see how my body reacted to ketamine. I know I came to the realization that God was an artist, as the creator. The ultimate artist. God created us in His image and wanted us to be creators too.

This thought and realization made me feel confidence in my choice to have recently stopped my prior career (a semi-successful business owner) to become an artist too. I had been surrounded by so much self doubt in myself and anxiety about the huge change in my life. Granted, I didn’t have a choice because of my physical disability, but there was the anxiety behind my decision nonetheless.

I came out of the experience in a very uplifted mood and very happy.

I have done multiple treatments since then and have noticed marked improvement in my depression and especially my OCD symptoms. The OCD was really what drove me towards seeking something further for help, because it felt like I was stagnant though I was doing weekly counseling and I had reached a plateau.

During treatments you’re able to think things in a different way than when you’re not taking the medication. Ketamine allows your brain to form new neural pathways and to stop following old (bad) ones in your thought processes. This is what I feels allows me to interpret what God has been telling me (He talks to those who seek and listen) during my regular Bible studying throughout my days. Yes, I study daily.

My most recent treatment experience was the most positive and prompted this post.

For ketamine treatments they recommend calm instrumental music. Anything with words I believe will distract from the treatment.

My prior one before had made me feel like I needed a new ketamine playlist. I was listening to one for anxiety that had some sounds that made me question if it was leading my experience a certain way. I felt like God wanted me to find a “Christian ketamine playlist”, as absurd as that sounds.

No such thing exists of course. Until now.

Prior to my recent treatment, I made my own since I couldn’t find one. Instrumental Christian music that was guitar and piano based hymns and worship music, all familiar to me and on the soothing side.

Best decision for my treatments ever!

When prior to this last one, all my visual experiences were always monotone black and white. For the very first time, I saw in color! Towards the beginning of the treatment, in which again my intentions were anxiety based, I felt a huge presence which felt like God, envelop me in a warm comforting hug.

This reinforced my feelings of being loved by God, which have been a demon I fight since early childhood.

Visually this was the first time I thought things I saw were beautiful. At one point I was laying in a flowing river of soft rose colored musical waves, there’s really no way to describe it.

My thoughts during this session told me I need to get past my anxiety about talking about ketamine, which is why I haven’t posted about it prior. I have a fear of being judged, which is pervasive in my life. I felt that I could share my experiences for the benefit of others that they might have spiritual epiphanies and be brought towards God.

The playlist I made (on Spotify) made all the difference though. I didn’t recognize any of the music during the actual treatment, because your mind really works in a different reality while you’re medicated. But the positivity and the colors that flowed from the music I chose left me feeling so unbelievably uplifted.

The music most definitely influences the experience. I had tried multiple music playlists in the past, ones from the treatment program, ones from Spotify that are labeled psychedelic or ketamine treatment. What you hear is what you see, and if you put weird in, you’re going to get weird out.

I am currently looking into trying a regimen of infusions, for chronic pain purposes. Having suffered now for over 10 years, I’m hopeful they can provide long term relief. Though I know it would have to be repeated, I think it would be worth it for months of relief from the pain.

But anyways, in conclusion, I’m a big proponent of ketamine treatments for mental illness – depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD. I have also read studies where it has helped with immediate risk of suicidal ideation. Patients have been treated in hospitals that are at risk with very positive results. I can see why!

What are your thoughts on this newest medication that seems to becoming “all the rage”? Have you heard about it before now? If you’ve suffered from mental illness for years without relief, would you consider it if it were available in your location?