Last Easter was rather hellish for my OCD and in turn, bipolar depression. I know Easter is the Christian holiday I should love the most, and I feel so ashamed to admit it is so very triggering for my scrupulosity.
Makes no sense if you look at how religious I seem and it’s the holiday to celebrate Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, the very answer to our salvation. Yes, I rejoice and do love Easter because of that.
But…big but. What led up to Jesus being crucified? He was tormented and suffered unimaginable pain, for people like us, who to be honest, none of us are worth it.
I feel immense guilt for ever feeling sad or depressed about my own suffering, because it pales in comparison to what He had to walk through. And the thing is? He did it willingly! God knew from before creation that there would be a need for Jesus’ to die for us (1 Peter 1:19-21).
This holiday brings such guilt to me normally. Last year I saw a Facebook post some woman was going on and on about Jesus’s suffering and what He went through. We’re talking on and on…and on.
Yes, we need to acknowledge the suffering, which is why we sacrifice things for lent. But we also need to focus on the hope Easter brings. The reason of Easter is that Jesus died and rose from the grave, making that sacrifice so that all we have to do is believe and follow Him and we can have eternal life in heaven. Sounds like a sweet deal, if I can stop focusing on the suffering and my guilt.
This year’s commitment to give up Facebook for lent has proven to be wise indeed! I don’t have to see those vapid women in my “Christian” groups go on and on focusing on the torture and suffering aspect of Easter.
I feel the holiday inching closer and I pray that I won’t be a slave to my guilt this year. Yes, Jesus suffered immensely, but that means He has the utmost empathy for me, not any anger that I feel down when I’m particularly hurting or suffering.
That’s why God became man, to learn of our suffering and have that empathy for us. We know He knows the worst of it, the indignities and pain. Not so people like me feel guilt when we’re reminded of His suffering, but so we know there is a God who has walked in our shoes and been through it all…and can go through it all with us.
That’s the comfort I will try to take this year when those guilt thoughts rear their ugly head. He knows my suffering and has been with me.
The Obsessively Anxious 