Work Ups and Downs – Cause Depression

The problem when you’re way up, when you do get knocked down, it feels sooo far down even if it’s only a foot from sea level. If that makes sense.

I’ve been happy just very recently because I finally, finally hired a manager for my business. I was apprehensive at first, because I didn’t trust that she would work out. I wasn’t sure if she’d show up and be a valued person of the team.

I was feeling very good about things today.

Then I get a text (yes a text) from my “full-time” employee, and it’s him giving in his notice. He says he loves his job but he needs something more reliable.

Ha! The job is unreliable? Wow! Honestly, I’m floored.

The only reason I feel bent out of shape here is because it’s not the job that’s unreliable in this situation, it’s the employee. This young man who called out 4 out of 5 weeks in the last month. When he was first hired in February of this year, he literally called out once every single week, or left mid-shift and left me hanging.

His paycheck would have been much better had he been at work for those extra days he was scheduled. AND, I would have felt I could have scheduled him for Saturdays, like he wanted, if I knew he would actually show up and not called out last minute. Always last minute, like an hour before his schedule.

This is a blessing, not even in disguise. I need to replace him and I didn’t know how to just get rid of him without being responsible for unemployment. But, since he quit (for the dumbest reason ever), I’m off the hook.

I’m sad though, because for some reason this breaks my heart. It hurts inside and I’m not sure why. It’s like some failing or fault with me that I couldn’t help this young man straighten up his act. I feel like if only I had known how to properly be a good boss, I would have provided him with the life skills needed to step up his game. The life responsibility game.

I need to tell myself this is not my failing. I did tell him months ago that he needed to be more reliable or I would need to replace him. Apparently, though, he sees this as the job being unreliable and not him. I see no point in telling him the hours are going to be going up once my new manager is fully trained. More hours for him equates to more chances for him to either call out or have a family emergency and leave mid-shift.

I really don’t like how I’m already letting this get to me though. More than it should. I recognize that though. That’s important. Recognizing something is off with your thinking is actually one of the first steps. Like labeling a thought as an OCD thought. If you don’t, it’ll just be there and bug the poo out of you over and over and over, and you’ll wonder if it actually is OCD. Rule of thumb, if you constantly wonder if it’s OCD, it likely is. For me at least.

Time to go bang my head against the wall. Figuratively. Literally though, I will go home and cook and create art. Distraction and mindfulness. I call it all distraction, but if it’s positive, it’s mindfulness. Go figure.


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