The Blame Game, It’s My Fault You Didn’t Buy Me That.

I don’t have what I asked for, for my birthday, because of…me? Apparently my husband is blaming me for him choosing to not buy me a sound system for my car.

My husband came back to me later and said the shortages in whatever precious metals have caused certain things to go up in price and it would be more expensive than he originally thought. I was understanding, and we went a bit back and forth with different things. He said, for some reason, he was going to go ahead and do it, he’d pay the money, from his account (long story), but I was like, is an iPad pro maybe cheaper than a system? He didn’t answer and went about other texts.

Before my 40th, via text because we were both working, I asked my husband for a better sound system for my car. Well, he kept asking what I wanted for my birthday and that was the only thing I could think of. He questioned it, but I explained that when I go on my “OCD” drives, I play my music so very loud to feel the music, that seems to be what helps the most. He understood and it was all ok. We won’t go into how this feeds my compulsion, that’s for another day and discussion.

Come to the day of my birthday and no gift at all from my husband. My gift is him taking me shopping that weekend to pick out what I want. He said I didn’t give him an alternative to the sound system, and I said – but I did.

His response? He thought I was talking about an iPad for work because I jump from subject to subject.

I call B.S. Dear Sir! I am looking at the text where it clearly references the sound system in the same sentence as the iPad. He does that though, when I reference something I’ve said, he dismisses it by saying he thought I was talking about something else because I go from subject to subject. The thing is, I don’t do that and the next time he says that to me, ladies and gentlemen, it’s going to be nuclear.

The Kicker

I moved on. From the sound system and no present. I came to peace with the fact that he wanted to make me happy in his own way and he does love me.

Until tonight. We’re driving around in his nice WRX that he’s talking about wanting to customize with undercarriage lights, replace the daylight runner lights with some LED multi color things, and other alterations.

I was about to say something about him being ok spending all that money on his car and not mine, but I stopped myself a few words in.

That started him explaining how he spoils me and he should be able to spend money on himself (I agree, he should, but I don’t have money to spend on myself) that it’s my fault I don’t have the sound system. I wasn’t comfortable with him spending so much money when he expressed concern about the expense in the first place. But ultimately I felt it was actually his decision to not spend the money on me. For the sound system or an iPad. Or anything. Because I did ask him to just pick me out something when he took me shopping, which made him mad.

His excuse? He didn’t want to buy me something I wouldn’t like. What a bunch of poo. In our 20 years of marriage, he has never given me anything I haven’t liked or at least appreciated. I can’t say the same for him, when he’s actually returned gifts I’ve given him. Which that’s ok, I’d rather he have something he want. But anyway, his excuse doesn’t hold water.

So he’s peeved at me for whatever reason. He probably thinks I’m a spoiled brat, for all I know.

The thing is, I don’t really ever want much. Just the thought behind something means alot to me. I like to look at something someone has given me and think of them. Or wear it, as is usual with gifts from my son. They are always perfect. Even the mismatch handmade earrings he made with my mother, that I do indeed wear when they match my outfit.

My new favorite gift is the cross my son gave me for my birthday. He picked it out and I love it.

I wonder how long the silent treatment will last this time. My guess is he’ll make peace by the afternoon tomorrow because it’s date night tomorrow night. It’s going to be tough on him though because I’ll be at work and he’ll be out with our son. Eh, may be a really awful date night like 2 weeks prior. I hope not, I can’t handle that kind of week again.

I’ve been praying for my husband. A lot. Sometimes I see change. Sometimes I see a lot of the old him. I wonder if it will always be this hard. If it is for too much longer, I’ll be honest, I’m not tolerating but so much. My tolerance is perhaps hindering growth.

We shall see. God can move mountains, but this man is so very stubborn.

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