Hashimotos, My Answer to Prayer? Say What?

Most people when I tell them I have Hashimotos, they look at me sideways, as they don’t know what I’m talking about. Or they look at my lovely colorful hair and comment, “But you have your hair!”

For those with no clue, or who would rather my colorful translation than Google’s, Hashimotos Thyroiditis is an autoimmune disease where the immune system attacks the thyroid (the butterfly shaped organ in your neck). It causes hypothyroidism (underactive/slow), fatigue, hair loss (hence the comment), body pain, brain fog, weight gain,and other symptoms.

Blessed??

So, weight gain (due to hypothyroidism). Sign of Hashimotos. This is why I was not diagnosed.

My thyroid had indeed gone bad, as evidence by much bloodwork. I need to take those little tiny pills. The odd thing is, I can’t keep weight on.

Wait what? This is not the struggle I thought came with Hashimotos. I thought once I got my pills all sorted out, I’d get fat (again). Not to sound shallow, but a life long struggle with my weight and a disease that meant I was facing weight struggles for the rest of my life…

Scratch me off that list please sir. Thank you kindly!

I seem to now have to consume mass amounts of calories every day to maintain my current weight. Especially if I work. If I skip lunch, because I’m too busy, as we all are known to do, the next day the scale will drop 4-5 pounds.

No lie and no exaggeration.

Go ahead and hate me. Especially those of you who have struggled your whole life with food, weight, eating the proper amounts of the right foods and avoiding sweets and junk.

I hated me too. Everytime I indulged in high calorie foods to keep from becoming too thin, I thought how much I would have hated me had I known me when I was “fat” (boy was I huge too!).

Different Perspective

I’ve decided to look at this odd turn of events differently. And it is most certainly odd. People with hypothyroidism don’t struggle to keep weight on, that’s not how it works.

In my lovely world, I’ve decided this is God’s reward for me.

Years of suffering, not just physically but emotionally, and this is like God saying, “Here’s your cake, you get to eat it now.”

Now I don’t eat cake, pie, and junk for all my meals, though I would love too! I actually like and prefer healthy food from years of dieting and changing unhealthy eating habits.

But, I can now go to my most favorite bakery around the corner and buy her 6 vegan gluten free cupcakes every week. No lie. Monday, I walked in and the girl looked at me and asked if I wanted them all! (They only make 6-8 a day of the vegan ones and usually I buy what’s on hand lol)

It does get old. Despite every obese person’s dream of being able to eat whatever you want. When you have to eat, all the time, in fear of being unhealthy and your doctor taking drastic measures (at least when I was fat, what could my doctor really do?), it gets hard. Especially if you have food sensitivities and avoid fast food.

Be careful what you pray for

I used to pray regularly to be thin and to loose weight, when I was a pre-teen through 20s. Like all the time, in true OCD fashion.

My weight was usually what my sister would get others to pick on me for in schools. At 9 my mom sent me to school with slim fast for lunch. And that’s it. So understand the “vanity” behind my compulsive prayers.

But the lesson : Be so very careful what you pray for.

I’m sure in time my body will turn on me and I will in fact gain weight rather than lose it. Too bad I can’t “save up” the weight loss for when that happens.

Until then, I count my current blessing with the curse that is Hashimotos disease. And I have most certainly stopped praying for things I “want”.

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