No one seems to understand my connection to music and the *feels* I get from a song that speaks to me. And well, those such songs? They may go on repeat…for awhile. Not just days, we’re talking many months or more. Until my family hates me. But it’s something about the music, I have a need for it and feel really stressed when I don’t get time to go on a very long drive and just “zone out”, listen, and feel it.
I sort of figured out the why just the other day. Our marriage counselor had mistakenly thought I do it for the thrill of driving fast and the loud music. And honestly, that’s not it in the slightly. Going fast just means I’m on a highway and don’t have to really pay much attention (70 miles till next exit…just make sure not to crash lol). And the loud music with great beats (no snooze fests!)? It makes the thoughts in my head usually stop.
If there is loud music going on and I feel it in my body and want to dance (yes, in my car), my brain doesn’t seem to bombard me with the hatred and venom as usual. I’m not sure why it’s while I’m driving? I theorized with a friend the other day that perhaps it harkens back to my teen years, I used to drive 1 hour to and from school each way, and very much enjoyed my loud music to be my stress release. I just have that need in an extreme sense now that I’m older.
I used to be able to take long drives once every other week to once a month at minimum. I finally got to last weekend, as I did feel my sanity was at extreme risk. Prior, it had been months actually. I was cracking. I think it made a bit of difference, though I wish it did help slightly more. But beggars cannot be choosers! I am happy for the bit of relief. And I’m looking forward to doing it again when I get a chance in a few weeks or so. I will not wait so long next time.
I guess that’s why there is music therapy. It helps some people. I do wish I could have my headphones in all the time to help drown out the thoughts or distract somewhat from them. But that would be rude. And goodness knows, rudeness is a huge no-no. I am jealous of those who don’t care. Ah well…I have my drives. When I can.
The Obsessively Anxious 