All Alone, Can’t Do it All

As much as I’d like to be able to, I simply can’t do everything. I have all my staff out today. One out on paternity leave, one out sick – only her 2nd full day scheduled, but her 2nd day out sick, doesn’t bode well honestly, and I’m at my work place all alone when it’s not meant to be run alone. I had a staff member quit without notice last week, with a long drawn out email and follow up text stating that I was demeaning her, criticizing her rather than teaching. I was honestly just shocked and felt like I was hit with a tons of bricks, as I had no clue anything was a problem, especially because she just started with me less than a month ago and I thought she was happy.

I felt I needed to do a temperature check, to see if perhaps maybe I was demeaning in my behavior and didn’t realize it (we’re all human). I emailed my other employees, as I felt they would be most honest via email and not face-to-face. I told them there would be no repercussions for honesty about my behavior. They all said that I am considerate and pleasant to work for and they have no qualms with how I treat them (I didn’t mention the other employee or her quitting reason). I had one tell me they have worked for a demeaning boss, and I am a very far cry from it. That is what I was thinking…but to have someone go on about my being so awful to them, to where they just up and quit without notice?

I know this will offend people…but flippin’ millennials! I don’t want to start generalizing an entire generation or disliking them, but thus far, they are proving to be the bane of my existence as an employer. I had one call out on his second week of employment, for a “mental health day”, knowing that the night before I had someone quit without notice (yet again) and I was overbooked and physically couldn’t manage it. My staff all know I’m physically disabled, though I hide it from my clients. I get it, people get sick, get stressed and need those kind of days…but this is my forth week open and all of my employees have taken over 2 days off each!! I’m like, what the…what?

I just don’t get it. I have a ton of physical and numerous mental health issues, and I have not taken a sick day since returning to the work force in 2016. I did take a few days off when I found out about my husband’s affair, but that event was hugely traumatizing for me…and at the time I was working for family and it was hard to actually look at them and face them. The way things went down, the entire family knew what happened basically…and the whole situation was difficult. But I digress, I have not taken a sick day in 5 years and I have a hard time with people who constantly call out all the time. It may be the area I live in and not the generation though, as I was a manager over younger folk in 2019 in a different state and they were reliable. I have no idea and it’s all theories!

I am very empathetic, but it only goes so far to be completely honest. After a certain point, I feel like the person is 100% self centered taking so many “sick” days. Take my 1st employee to quit without notice a couple weeks ago. I’m pretty sure it was because I didn’t give her a glowing A+ review, because I brought up that she was missing 2-3 days of work per month and that dependability was paramount in our line of work (we can’t work remotely). I wasn’t mean about it, I didn’t scold her or put her down. I simply rated her a 3 out of 5 for attendance and put that she needed to work on her hand washing and sanitizing skills to avoid sickness (her reason was ALWAYS a “fever”, knowing with COVID that she couldn’t come in). 1 day later she emailed me her resignation saying she was “moving”. Huh…yeah…sure. I’m not stupid, you don’t have to move all of a sudden without any warning.

I guess what really ticks me off is the lack of communication and notice. With Miss Offended Demeaned (MOD) person, she texted another employee, asking about the state of things. She was told I was going to replace her with someone part-time. When MOD heard I was looking for someone part-time, she responded that had she known I was ok with someone working less hours, she would have stayed. Uh…seriously? First off, which is it? Was I a horrible, demeaning person or were the hours too much? I think the hours were too much and she had no clue what she was doing (she really didn’t, but I was very patient, waiting for her to “catch on”), and she had to think up some excuse as to why she was quitting. From experience, people over-talk when they lie…which I think explains why she went on and on in her resignation letter and then text. I wish she would have just come to me if she felt overwhelmed and like she couldn’t do the job. She didn’t adult the situation though, which it’s too late at this point. I would never reconsider her after she quit without notice. Never ever again. Part-time or not. Something like that doesn’t get a second chance because I would be a fool to risk it. Her fault for not being honest at the start.

I know my religion preaches forgiveness and mercy. I want to be Christ-like in all things. In this instance, I can’t be, and I do feel guilt for it. Her behavior hurt the business and all of the staff…and I’m still hurting personally. I’m here alone because of her immaturity and…stupidity. I will now simply hire someone with more years of work experience that knows if they are having any kind of issue, they actually talk to their boss about it and don’t tuck their tail and run away. For reals people. No notice?! I try to be the nicest person in the world, it honestly feels like she smacked me in the face.

The issue now is I will obsess about this for ages to come. How long? I don’t know. I still am obsessing over a former employee who harassed me August-October 2019 when he found out I had OCD. I just can’t get over how he messed with me when he found out about my mental illness, it’s just so upsetting that there are people who would take advantage of someone like that. Or I should say attempt to torture, because honestly he had no idea how bad my OCD was and if his shenanigans were enough to drive me over the edge. Moving things around the place – straight across the room for no reason, messing up everything I took the time to organize, leaving things out when I asked them to be put away, just oodles of little things constantly trying to…get rid of me? I know he wanted my job, but had he just been a decent person, I would have gladly trained him to manage and recommended him to my bosses.

I’m hoping I can just not let this bother me. I know me and I think I will constantly be second guessing if I’m being demeaning if I ask someone to do something slightly different or mention that something was maybe not done correctly. I hate being me and in my head. I just really wish my brain would stop it’s whole thing and shut up. The self-doubt, the thoughts of being horrible and stupid, just everything. Guess I can eventually look back and see how long I will end up obsessing about this. I pray not long, but if prayer worked for that kind of stuff…I wouldn’t obsess about anything.

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